The Past Half-Year

    I really want to write about my situation because one day I can look back and be proud of myself for where I am right now. Here are a few sentences I wrote that I can elaborate on.

“An injection that doesn’t help the hurt. Words that won’t go away. A different heartbreak that hurts unlike any other. Love that is hard to see. Healing that can happen now. Hiding behind a wall of hurt and smiling for the crowd.” 

    In these six sentences, it basically summarizes the past half-year of my life. The first sentence states , “An injection that doesn’t help the hurt.” For the past few months, I got to a point where I was feeling numb and even something so painful in the moment that is supposed to make you feel better didn’t feel better. Even though I believed that God has a plan for me and is holding my hand. Every day got harder and harder to deal with as they went by.

At some point I thought I was going to completely break like a glass picture frame.

    The second sentence being , “Words that won’t go away.” Negative and positive words always can stay with you. They linger like a perfume that last for a super long time but doesn’t smell good at all it just makes you feel bad. Depending on the person those words can either stick with you or stay with you. In my case these words will stay with me but I know they are not what I identify as. Maybe one day I will forget the words. 

     

    In the third sentence being, “ A different heartbreak that’s hurts like unlike any other.” Now I think when you think of heartbreak you just think of romantic heartbreak. But in this case, that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about a normal heartbreak that involves words and people changing. A family member person in my life has drastically changed over the past year and it was such a big deal for me because I was always around them. But now they physically have left my everyday life. I am not as sad as I thought I would be.

    

    The fourth sentence being, “Love that is hard to see.” Sometimes people say they love us. But it is hard to see what they do because they don’t show it. Furthermore, with someone who isn’t fully themselves because of other variables in this situation. It can be really hard to believe that they do love you!

   

    In the fifth sentence states, “Healing that can happen now.” Now that the person who wasn’t really in my daily life but physically was just living in my house has left. I feel so free like a bird. I can finally heal and figure out what to learn with this situation.

   The final sentence states, “ Hiding behind a wall of hurt and smiling for the crowd.”

For a long time, I had to hide what was going on at school because its not like I can just stop what I am doing and cry. You have to put on a smile and live as if things are okay. I am that positive girl at school you can have a chill conversation with. Trust me I really enjoy being there for everyone but school and my situation was super stressful. It drained so much of me and it took a lot of strength. If God was not by my side I would be so defeated. I never told my friends about this situation because it's a really difficult one. Certain people can only take certain things you learn that overtime.

            So what did I learn from all of this? Honestly, I actually don't know. It was such a mix of things and so overwhelming. I for sure gained a lot more patience because it seemed like this tornado was going to go on forever. I think I just need to heal and take time to reflect for sure! Thank you for reading my story :)